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Steve Philips Says He Can Now Control His Trouser Snake

Former Mets GM and ESPN commentator Steve Phillips was doing his cry to the media bit on the "Today Show" this morning.  If you are buying it, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Phillips, who is fresh out of the same sexual addiction clinic that Tiger Woods was in, says in many cases he couldn't control what he was doing.  Said the contrite Phillips "I couldn't stop myself from doing the things I was doing, even knowing the consequences."

Phillips went on to say he knew in August of last year that he needed help.

This is where I beg to differ with the shrinks. 

"Sexual addiction" is only an issue if you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar and are desperately trying to save your marriage.  "Honey, all that time I was out chasing tail, I was sick.  I had a disease."   Yeah, uh huh.

The truth is that with wealth, power and position comes the realization that if you are fairly good looking and can come up with a good line, you can have sex with a lot of women.  Granted, these women have no self esteem, but yours is actually lower.  So, it's not really the sex that's driving you, it's the desire to self destruct.  It's the desire to piss away everything you have earned and a reputation that you have carefully cultivated simply to blow your self up. 

That's not being addicted to sex.  That's testing your power and your position to remind you of who you believe yourself to be: Someone who got lucky and doesn't deserve to be.  Someone who is self-loathing and intent on killing the golden goose.  Someone whose challenge is to be able to talk some fat broad into bed to remind themselves that they are king.

From the male perspective, when you are addicted to booze, pills or drugs, you are the only one who makes the decision as to what you will put down your throat.  But in sexual addiction, you have to have someone green light your need.  That's why it's not an addiction, but a choice.  Force yourself on a woman and you'll wind up going somewhere besides a cushy clinic in Mississippi.

When someone non-famous has the same issues Phillips claims to have, it is often referred to as a "mid-life crisis" and not as "sex addiction."

I'm sure Steve Phillips has issues, but I doubt he's addicted to sex as much as he hates himself.  If he didn't before, he sure must now.

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Quick Shots: Payton Has Big Brass Ones

  • Even though this is a parody sports site, the story really is true. (Sports Pickle)
  • I've been following Saints Coach Sean Payton a long time.  As a quarterback at Eastern Illinois, he used to kill my SIU Salukis.  He was the quarterback for the 1987 Bears replacement team. I also covered sidelines for Indiana State the year he was an assistant working under Marty Fine on the offensive staff.  That onside kick took a lot of guts and if it failed, it would have given the Colts great field position and momentum.  That's why when things work, coaches are geniuses and when they failed, they are goats.  Being a great coach is having the courage of your convictions to call a play the other guy isn't expecting.  Sean Payton is on his way to becoming a great coach.
  • Your Super Bowl commercial popularity results.  Letterman/Oprah/Leno doesn't count because it was a promo.  Next to the Snickers ad with Betty White, I loved the Doritos ad with the little kid who told the potential boyfriend to "keep your hands off my Mama and my Doritos."  Priceless.
  • Is it just me or did the Who suck last night?  It seems like Roger Daltry couldn't carry a tune in a dump truck anymore.  Memo to Roger Goodell: It's been six years since "nipplegate", can we please have a more contemporary halftime show?  You know, with someone who had hits in this decade or at least the 90's.  Or, are we going to trot out every band that was once popular that now plays state fairs?  So, who is it next year, Rog? REO Speedwagon? Foreigner? Crosby, Stills and Nash? How about we try something a little more hip again.  My daughter suggests the Black Eyed Peas.  Me, I'd be happy with Brad Paisley, Garth or Toby Keith.  

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Peyton+Big Game=Gag

I'm not surprised the Saints won the Super Bowl last night.  And I'm certainly not surprised that Peyton Manning threw a critical interception down the stretch to insure a Saints victory.  Peyton doesn't do well in big games.

In fact, in his career spanning college and the NFL, he's won exactly one, and unfortunately it came in Super Bowl XXI against the Bears. I guess when the opposing Quarterback is Rex Grossman, anything is possible.

Peyton could never win a big game at Tennessee.  He could never beat Florida.  He didn't beat Nebraska in the Orange Bowl to give the Vols a share of the national title.  In fact, he stunk so bad in that game, Vols coach Phil Fulmer pulled him out ion the fourth quarter.

In the NFL, it took Peyton several times to get over the hump and get to the Super Bowl.  Once he did, it was more a case of the Bears sucking than the Colts being great.

Then yesterday, Peyton couldn't get it done.  After a great start and a 10-0 lead, Drew Brees got the Saints right back into it and the Colts offense ground to a halt.  Peyton made some nice plays, but the Colts offense stalled.

Why is that?  Because Peyton Manning gets tight.  Because he over thinks.  Because he puts more pressure on himself then he does on his teammates.

Don't get me wrong.  Peyton Manning is a great quarterback.  He's a first ballot hall of famer.  But when iot comes right down to it, if there is an Achilles heel, it's that he gets as tight as a drum when the money is on the line.  That will always separate him from Joe Montana or Terry Bradshaw who relished the situation.

I thought maybe he was over the hump after his previous Super Bowl victory, but I was wrong.  Same old Peyton.  Same old results.

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Chairman Finds What Goes Around Comes Around

Whiter Jerry Reinsdorf.  The Chairman isn't happy these days since Arizona lawmakers have proposed a surcharge on spring training tickets to help support the new facilities to be built by the Chicago Cubs.  The Chairman is annoyed that the building of the new Cubs ballpark will be on the backs of Sox ticket prices.  To a certain degree, he has a point.  But not the point you might think.

White Sox spring training tickets are among the most expensive in Arizona right now and the proposed "Cub tax" only makes it worse.  Sox fans aren't like Cub fans either in number or in income, so there is a limit as to how much one will spend to go to Arizona in the spring.  The Cubs, on the other hand, have a huge, built in fan base of retired fans who love to go to the ballpark in the spring.  So, he's already losing the battle of Chicago teams.

And, as the Mayor of Mesa so adeptly and surgically points out, The Chairman is the last guy who should complain about anything.  In 1986, he stomped his feet and threatened to move to Tampa unless a stadium was built with public funding.  After thirty-seven  years in Sarasota, the Sox took off for Tuscon for spring training in a publicly built facility there.  Then, realizing that Tucson was to the rest of Arizona as Carbondale is to Illinois, the Sox bolted to yet another publicly funded facility in Glendale, just outside of Phoenix.

That's right, taxpayers, you have been paying the freight for The Chairman for almost twenty-five years. 

The Chairman's real agenda?  The first, to appear like a hero to Sox fans by wanting the "Cub Tax" struck down.  After all, if you can't or won't stand up to the Cubs, fans won't love you.  Second, from all the reports I've read, the prices at the Sox facility in Glendale are sky high.  Paying extra for tickets doesn't help, as noted earlier. So, The Chairman is trying to protect his product.  After all, the Sox aren't paying the tax, the fans are.

The bottom line is after years of doing it to taxpayers, The Chairman is about to have it done to him.  And he seems to enjoy it as much as taxpayers do.

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Wow. Just Wow.

I thought I'd seen just about everything, but this takes the cake.  Please son, get help.


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Richard Dent Should Demand A Recount

Richard Dent is quickly becoming the NFL's version of Ron Santo.

For the seventh time, Richard Dent has been denied entry into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  This year, he lost out to a class that rightfully includes Jerry Rice and  Emmitt Smith, Redskins offensive lineman Russ Grimm but questionably Vikings defensive tackle John Randle and Saints outside linebacker Rickey Jackson

Randle had as many career sacks as Dent but most likely got in because he was immortalized by NFL Films for his barking like a dog. Dent was as dominant during his career.  Jackson isn't in Dent's class and has no business beating Dent into the hall.  Probably the Saints love that has wrapped itself around the Super Bowl bought Jackson some votes.

If Dent is angry this evening, no one can blame him.  He deserves to be in the HOF,  He's waited longer than Jackson and Randle and unlike some of the other Bears on the 1985 team, he was quiet and not self absorbed.  Maybe that's why he isn't in yet.

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Bad Weekend For Players Turned Broadcasters

First it was Michael Irvin being sued for a alleged two-year old sexual assault that has the smell of a shakedown.  Now, it's Warren Sapp being charged with domestic battery.

There is very little information about what Sapp did, only that he was charged and that the police have talked to him.  In the meantime, he has been yanked from the NFL Network's coverage of the Big Game (so that means the six people that get the NFL Network  won't see him.)  No word if Showtime will pull him from Wednesday's "Inside the NFL", but since that is produced by NFL Films, I would probable wager that to be true.

Irvin had his radio show canceled yesterday.

Now, if they could only catch Phil Simms in an alley with a transvestite, we'd hit the trifecta.

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Quickshots: We Are All The NFL's Beoch


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Butkus D. Dogg's Friday Fearless Forecast Finale (Big Game Edition)

What a long, strange trip it's been this year.  I've done well with my record at 130-65, which means I was right  67% of the time.  You wish you were right that often with your wife, don't you? 

I was half right with the conference championship games and if that "idiot hillbilly" as the bald guy calls him hadn't chucked one away in the last few seconds of the fourth quarter I would have nailed them both.

Let's talk big game. I'd call it by it's real name, but then we'd get a certified letter from the NFL, which means the post man would have to come to our door, which means the fat dog would go nuts and bite him and then they'd come and take the fat dog away.  Wait a minute. SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL .  Come and get me, Rog. It's Dogg with two gs.  And make sure our mailman rings the bell. A lot.

Okay, here's the breakdown.  Dwight Freeny being out doesn't help the Colts who obviously need to pressure the heck out of Drew Brees.  The Saints know that Freeny will be out and they will throw everything they have at where he should be.  It's called exploiting a weakness.  You know, like giving the fat dog something to eat when you want him to do something.

On defense, the Saints must stop Peyton Manning.  They must do this be disguising their defenses preventing him from calling the correct audible and they must be rough with him and knock him down a lot. 

The Saints must get out to a big lead.  The Colts can catch anybody and they can score in the last two minutes better than anybody.  The only way to prevent that is to score early and often.  The Saints can do this, but then, unlike the Bears in the last SUPER BOWL the Colts played in, must sustain it.

Overall, this game will be a track meet.  I don't think the Saints will be conservative on offense.  I think they will try to set the scoreboard on fire.  I think the Colts will play whatever kind of game works for them.  And in the end, because they have been there and done that, I like the Colts by maybe a field goal.  Yes, I know picking New Orleans is cool because of all they have been through, but I still think the Colts are a better team and that they are a better team on the big stage.

By the way, while you are watching the big game, I'll be watching the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.  There is some fine tail there.

Speaking of the big stage, my time on the big stage is over for this year.  I'd like to thank the bald guy for typing this stuff up for me every week (life without opposable thumbs is a bitch) and for giving me the opportunity to bring these picks each week.  Until next August, when college football kicks off, this is Butkus D. Dogg.  May all your bones be big ones.

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Is It Safe To Come Out Now?

My least two favorite days of the sports calendar have finally come and gone. 

Media Day at the Super Bowl is one of the biggest farces in sports.  The NFL, in it's desire to involve people form all walks of life and dominate the headlines that day, will literally let anyone in.  That's why in addition to the usual suspects and the hard working sports people who need to do legitimate work, you'll find people from Comedy Central, Bravo, MTV and a host of other places asking ridiculous and irrelevant questions.  As a serious sports fan and as someone who takes covering sports seriously, I have always be appalled and annoyed by this.  It's like letting Peter King into a fashion show.

The other day I'm glad is over is National Signing Day.  When I worked down South, we used to joke that there was no mail delivery and all federal and state offices were closed.  While the guys who feast on taking your money to subscribe to their publications (similar to draftniks) can rank recruits and classes all they want, the end game is no one has any clue how this will work out.  Need some examples?  How about Mitch Mustain, a highly rated quarterback a few years ago who signed with Arkansas.  Mustain started a few games his freshman year, but, based on his performance the next season, was reduced to second on the depth chart. That didn't sit well with him or his helicopter mom.  Mrs. Mustain started a stink at Arkansas that eventually got Coach Houston Nutt fired while Mustain took off for USC.  As highly rated as Mustain was, he has played very few downs for both teams and probably will never play for pay (unless you count maybe the Arena League).

Some of these kids won't make the grade, others will get involved in some unsavory activity that will get them booted off a team.  Still others will not like their PT and transfer to another school.  So, sure, you can look at names on a list and project all you want, but the secret lies in coaching these guys up.  Some coaches turn out to be better salesmen than coaches.

There is also the issue of which analyst is most successful at ranking these guys.  My top ten may not be your top ten.  I may be more familiar with players in my region than I am in another region and so fourth.  Most importantly, these kids are 17 and 18 years old and pretty raw maturitywise, so while many of the analysts talk to these kids, you can't really get a true measure of them until a couple of years from now.

I'm happy these two days have passed and we can get back to what's important in sports, like what to serve during the Super Bowl party.

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