Hardaway Doesn't Back Door Emotions
Random thoughts while wondering what ever happened to Lee Stange:
City of Champions Dept.: We're proud greet you this morning from a city who has an NBA team that can't even beat the Boston Celtics.
Memo to Larry Harris: Give Terry Stotts the Rice-a-Roni and the home game and send him on his way.
Back Door Screen Dept.: Here's guessing Tim Hardaway will not be popping up as a guest star on "Grey's Anatomy" soon.
I hope Tim is financially secure in his retirement, because those gay groups will appear with signs anywhere he does.
While I agree with Tim in principle (that as a testosterone driven, meat eating, woman liking male, gay men give me the willies) I do believe that people of opposing viewpoints and lifestyles have the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness as long as my ass isn't involved.
Look, there's a lot of gayness going on right now. The Isiah Washington deal, the gay brother on "Brothers and Sisters", the gay kid on "Desperate Housewives" are all out there on public display. I don't like it, I cringe when they show a scene with two guys in bed, but hey, as long as it isn't me, it's not my place to judge.
Besides, someone needs to decorate living spaces and design clothing.
Obedience Dept.: Mike Singeltary is the first candidate to audition for the San Diego Chargers head coaching position. Our crack research staff has hacked into the Chargers computer network and has lifted AJ Smith's draft copy of interview questions. Here are some of them:
1. How do you feel about me telling you what to do all the time? (Terminate interview if candidate answers "hell no")
2. Give me an example of how you would answer me if I told you what to do (Terminate interview if candidate gives any other answer besides "Sir, yes sir!")
3. What's more important: You picking the coaches or you keeping your job (terminate interview if "B")
4. My motivation for getting this job is to: A-Lead the team to a Super Bowl victory and make the fans of San Diego go nuts or B-Serve AJ Smith. (Terminate interview if candidate answers "A")
Ozzieball Dept.: Looks like the skipper wants to get after it this year. Good luck with the pitching and centerfield and left field and shortstop and all. Your goal this year should be "please God, let us finish ahead of Kansas City."
Spring Break Dept.: Three words: Oh yeah, babe.
Writing on the Wall Dept.: I'm glad I got to see Wrigley Field when I was a kid. It doesn't look at all the same now. This is what happens when you turn a marketing guy loose as team president.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are saying "but Chip, the Cubs have to sell advertising on the wall so that they can make money." Hey, how about not signing Ted Lilly? That would have saved you $40 million right there.
If the Cubs are defacing the walls at Wrigley Field to pay for stiffs like Lilly, imagine what happens when they have to pay Carlos Zambrano: "Oh, you want your logo on Lou Pinella's butt so people can see it when he changes pitchers? Done!"
Rings True Dept.: Da Coach gave up one of his Super Bowl rings (not that one) to help out retired players in need. When will the NFL do the same?
Tyne is on our Side Dept.: Women in sensible shoes are partying hard this morning following a major announcement.
Dry Hump Dept.: If you take your kids to Chuck E. Cheese on the south side of Milwaukee, you'll be doing it without the anesthesia. Good luck, friend.
Boss Lady Dept.: Any attacks, threats or hostile actions without the expressed, written consent of Hillary Rodham Clinton is strictly prohibited.
I'm against domestic violence, but damn it Bill, do something, PLEASE. Better yet, pay Dick Cheney to do it. I'm tired of Hillary already and we have 18 months to go.
Run for the Border Dept.: If you watch it, they won't come.
Not My DNA Dept.: You might want to reconsider your claim as the father of Anna Nicole's baby. In this case, possession is not nine-tenths of the law.
Johnny Law Dept.: The cop who stopped the gun man in the Utah mall shooting says he's not a hero. Sorry, officer, you certainly are. And we thank you for it.
Butt Out Dept: Do you ever get the feeling that 80 years after prohibition failed miserably, descendants of the same people that drafted the Volstead Act are still trying to ban something just for kicks.
Uncle George was Here Dept.: Once again, Alabama wants to stand out in the crowd.
Blame it on the Rain Dept.: Hollywood is working on a movie about the defrocked pop duo Milli Vanilli. No word yet as to whether the actors will sing live or lip sync, but I'm guessing lip sync.
After this is complete, the same producers will move on to their next project which they have already announced. The working title is tentatively: Take Me Down to the River: The True Story of Being on the Road with the Dave Matthews Band.
Deep Freeze Dept.: Stephen Colbert of the "Colbert Report" has had a new flavor of ice cream named after him by Ben and Jerry called "Americone Dream." The flavor is vanilla ice cream with fudge covered waffle cones and caramel.
Not to be outdone, Bill O'Reilly has teamed with the folks from Edy's Grand to roll out a new flavor named after him. It's comprised of vanilla ice cream, fried chicken and macadamias. The product will be called "Right Wing Nut."
City of Champions Dept.: We're proud greet you this morning from a city who has an NBA team that can't even beat the Boston Celtics.
Memo to Larry Harris: Give Terry Stotts the Rice-a-Roni and the home game and send him on his way.
Back Door Screen Dept.: Here's guessing Tim Hardaway will not be popping up as a guest star on "Grey's Anatomy" soon.
I hope Tim is financially secure in his retirement, because those gay groups will appear with signs anywhere he does.
While I agree with Tim in principle (that as a testosterone driven, meat eating, woman liking male, gay men give me the willies) I do believe that people of opposing viewpoints and lifestyles have the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness as long as my ass isn't involved.
Look, there's a lot of gayness going on right now. The Isiah Washington deal, the gay brother on "Brothers and Sisters", the gay kid on "Desperate Housewives" are all out there on public display. I don't like it, I cringe when they show a scene with two guys in bed, but hey, as long as it isn't me, it's not my place to judge.
Besides, someone needs to decorate living spaces and design clothing.
Obedience Dept.: Mike Singeltary is the first candidate to audition for the San Diego Chargers head coaching position. Our crack research staff has hacked into the Chargers computer network and has lifted AJ Smith's draft copy of interview questions. Here are some of them:
1. How do you feel about me telling you what to do all the time? (Terminate interview if candidate answers "hell no")
2. Give me an example of how you would answer me if I told you what to do (Terminate interview if candidate gives any other answer besides "Sir, yes sir!")
3. What's more important: You picking the coaches or you keeping your job (terminate interview if "B")
4. My motivation for getting this job is to: A-Lead the team to a Super Bowl victory and make the fans of San Diego go nuts or B-Serve AJ Smith. (Terminate interview if candidate answers "A")
Ozzieball Dept.: Looks like the skipper wants to get after it this year. Good luck with the pitching and centerfield and left field and shortstop and all. Your goal this year should be "please God, let us finish ahead of Kansas City."
Spring Break Dept.: Three words: Oh yeah, babe.
Writing on the Wall Dept.: I'm glad I got to see Wrigley Field when I was a kid. It doesn't look at all the same now. This is what happens when you turn a marketing guy loose as team president.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are saying "but Chip, the Cubs have to sell advertising on the wall so that they can make money." Hey, how about not signing Ted Lilly? That would have saved you $40 million right there.
If the Cubs are defacing the walls at Wrigley Field to pay for stiffs like Lilly, imagine what happens when they have to pay Carlos Zambrano: "Oh, you want your logo on Lou Pinella's butt so people can see it when he changes pitchers? Done!"
Rings True Dept.: Da Coach gave up one of his Super Bowl rings (not that one) to help out retired players in need. When will the NFL do the same?
Tyne is on our Side Dept.: Women in sensible shoes are partying hard this morning following a major announcement.
Dry Hump Dept.: If you take your kids to Chuck E. Cheese on the south side of Milwaukee, you'll be doing it without the anesthesia. Good luck, friend.
Boss Lady Dept.: Any attacks, threats or hostile actions without the expressed, written consent of Hillary Rodham Clinton is strictly prohibited.
I'm against domestic violence, but damn it Bill, do something, PLEASE. Better yet, pay Dick Cheney to do it. I'm tired of Hillary already and we have 18 months to go.
Run for the Border Dept.: If you watch it, they won't come.
Not My DNA Dept.: You might want to reconsider your claim as the father of Anna Nicole's baby. In this case, possession is not nine-tenths of the law.
Johnny Law Dept.: The cop who stopped the gun man in the Utah mall shooting says he's not a hero. Sorry, officer, you certainly are. And we thank you for it.
Butt Out Dept: Do you ever get the feeling that 80 years after prohibition failed miserably, descendants of the same people that drafted the Volstead Act are still trying to ban something just for kicks.
Uncle George was Here Dept.: Once again, Alabama wants to stand out in the crowd.
Blame it on the Rain Dept.: Hollywood is working on a movie about the defrocked pop duo Milli Vanilli. No word yet as to whether the actors will sing live or lip sync, but I'm guessing lip sync.
After this is complete, the same producers will move on to their next project which they have already announced. The working title is tentatively: Take Me Down to the River: The True Story of Being on the Road with the Dave Matthews Band.
Deep Freeze Dept.: Stephen Colbert of the "Colbert Report" has had a new flavor of ice cream named after him by Ben and Jerry called "Americone Dream." The flavor is vanilla ice cream with fudge covered waffle cones and caramel.
Not to be outdone, Bill O'Reilly has teamed with the folks from Edy's Grand to roll out a new flavor named after him. It's comprised of vanilla ice cream, fried chicken and macadamias. The product will be called "Right Wing Nut."
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