Random thoughts while wondering what ever happened to Matt Merullo:

FUD Dept.: While Lovie Smith's agent and Ted Phillips continue their dance, the fallout is being felt at Halas Hall.  Quarterbacks coach Wade Wilson, feeling that the ground was getting too soft under his feet, has bolted for the Dallas Cowboys.  Now, Lovie is going to have to find a new babysitter for Rex Grossman.

Not having the head coach extended means you won't attract quality free agents or quality assistant coaches because in a lot of cases, they come to the franchise because of the coach or because they believe in the coach and think he can get them a ring.

Is Lovie Smith in that same conversation as Walsh, Brown, Lombardi, Parcells and Gibbs?  Not yet.  Maybe over time, but not yet.  But not signing him means that if he does become an elite coach, he will do it somewhere else which is good for New York or Cleveland but bad for the Bears.

Too Little, Too Late Dept.: Long after the horse ran off, Tim Hardaway and his media friends try to close the barn door.

Charged Up Dept.: Shortstop/accused felon Juan Uribe arrived in Sox camp yesterday saying all the charges against him were dropped.  In the Dominican, they have a wacky system of justice which allows alleged victims to petition the court and accuse people of doing what ever with out basis.  In the US, we refer to this as "the tabloids" or "The New York Post."

Get it In Gear Dept.: White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen has told his young outfielders if they aren't a starter at the end of spring training, they won't start the season with the big club.  Brian Anderson is reportedly quaking under a bed somewhere.

Cellar Dweller Dept.: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays have always seemed to be a last place team with no hope of getting out of last place in a division dominated by the Yankees and Red Sox.  So, how bad an idea could yoga be?

Et Tu, Callahan? Dept.: A Nebraska trainer, released by the university, claims he helped Bill Callahan become head football coach at the school by making the Nebraska brass aware Callahan was interested in the job.  Three years later, after 18 years of service at Nebraska, the guy is out on his keaster.

Me thinks this has something to do with Marlon Lucky but no one is talking about that.  This could the tip of an interesting iceberg once all the facts are brought out. 

Anyone Can Do It Dept.:  I think I speak for most Americans when I say "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Hats Off To Larry Dept.: Now that the Anna Nicole circus has left town, it's time to look at the ringmaster, Judge Larry Seidlin, who apparently is taking more flak than Iraqi insurgents right now.  Why the Florida judicial review board doesn't haul this guy in front of it is a mystery to me.  The showboating, the personal antidotes, the clear agenda of landing some kind of TV gig was repulsive and made a mockery of proceedings which were carnival like in the first place.  Is this what people want in the courtroom, an asshat judge primping for cameras?

David E. Kelley should either hire Larry for Boston Legal or create a Larry like character to add to his collection of Judge Henry Bone (Picket Fences); Judge Harold Aldrich (Chicago Hope) and Judge Robert Sanders (Boston Legal).

In an unrelated story, apparently Anna Nicole Smith enjoyed a box lunch from time to time.

Naked Truth Dept.: Celebrity cooker Paula Deen apparently got stiffed in New York City.

Standards and Practices Dept.: Before you go through all the trouble of posting your life story in Wikipedia, please be aware they do have standards.

Shrinking Violence Dept.: The wife of a prominent psychiatrist gets 16 years for taking him out.  Robin McGraw, are you taking notes?

They Shoot Horses Don't They Dept.:  A small town police chief is accused of shooting stray animals, mostly cats.  Animal control vows to get even by issuing speeding tickets and eating all the good donuts.

Cold Shoulder Dept.: In Finland, the remote detectors that they use for speeding tickets are freezing up and not working.  You would think with the amount of money they spent, someone would have asked the sales guy about dynamic temperature range.  The sales guy is probably going to be able to pay for his kid's college education now on the commission he'll make on selling the "optional thermal detector unit."

Random My Butt Dept.: One of the American Idol contestants has some unsavory photos that were released on the internet.  Is Antonella Barba about to go the way of Frenchie Davis?  Certainly, based on her performance so far she's no threat to win the competition, which leads me to believe that the pictures are part of stunt to get the show even more publicity.

Taxing Problem Dept.: South Dakota sees a sharp decline in revenue after raising cigarette taxes.  Residents, rather than pay the tax, are streaming over the border to Nebraska and Iowa and purchasing cigarettes there.  Jim Doyle, are you paying attention?

Are we getting close to the day when we will have custom inspections at state borders?

Dropout Dept.: Former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, whose only chance to win the white house would be if Hillary Clinton, Barach Obama, John Kerry, Joe Biden, John Edwards, Al Gore and Dennis Kasinich were involved in the same plane crash, is dropping out of the presidential race because he can't raise enough money.

No word who his two supporters will now endorse.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow Dept.: If you are looking for me, I'll be appearing a few times this weekend on my driveway with a snow blower. 

Lost in Space Dept.: NASA's plan for dealing with wacky astronauts?  Duct tape and a tranquilizer gun.  It's obvious the people that thought this up have teenagers in their homes.

Personally, loading them into an air lock and threatening to pull the hatch door would be far more effective.

Junk in the Trunk Dept.: Are you sick of ads for furniture you'll never buy, pre-approved credit cards with high interest rates, dubious mortgage refinancers and grocery stores you don't shop at?  We can help!

Lack of Productivity Dept.:  A British study says e-mail and cell phone calls are making us stupid.  The study says that "Infomania" is worse and more addictive than marijuana. 

Well, how do they think we kicked that habit?