Look Mama, It's a Train Wreck!
Chicago Baseball 2007 is a train wreck. A comedy of errors that has the country
laughing and Chicago baseball fans and managers pitching fits. And as the train careens off the track at 90 miles an hour, there is not a whole lot the people that buy the tickets or watch the games can do about it other than tick off the days until the Bears start training camp.
Ironically, both teams have similar issues. The bullpens have been ineffective. The hitters have under performed. Fortunately for the Sox, at least they can play defense and run the bases (in the rare chance they get on.) Both
managers, Ozzie Guillen of the Sox and Lou Piniella of the Cubs have lost their patience. At least one of the General Managers, Kenny Williams has reached his bullshit level. Meanwhile, the Cubs wander in a forest call the NL Central, which, if they can quickly right the ship, they may actually have a chance at. The Sox meantime continue to lose ground to two of baseballs best teams in the best division in baseball. A division where when players under perform, they go away, no matter how many injuries a team has.
How do you fix it? I know Phil Rogers wouldn't agree with me, but for the Sox, Mike MacDougal, thanks for playing. David Aardsma, buh-bye now. Matt Thornton and Nick Masset, you are on double secret probation. Jermaine Dye, take your totally dispassionate act somewhere else. Paul Konerko? Paulie we love you, but we're only allowed one one dimensional player and on this team, his name is Thome. Thanks for the effort though. Mark Buerhle, sign here please. You too, Tad Iguchi. Jerry Owens,
you are in center, Ryan Sweeny, you are in left. Bobby Abreu, welcome to US Cellular Field, you'll be in right. Darrin Erstad, as soon as the ankle gets better, take first base. Joe Crede, you can finish the season in Texas or on the DL, your choice. Josh Fields, grab third.
For the Cubs, Matt Murton, thanks for playing. Cliff Floyd, you play right. Felix Pie, head out to center. Caesar Izurtus, so long. Jane Eyre, nice knowing you. Bobby Howry, you're the closer. Ryan Dumpster, head down to Iowa and go back to being a starter. Wade Miller, see ya. Carlos Zambrano, hope you like Tampa Bay. Michael Barrett, hope you enjoy Kansas City.
Jim and Kenny, you taking notes?
And Kenny, if you really wanted to make me happy, there are two words that do that: Carl Crawford.
Lightning Round
laughing and Chicago baseball fans and managers pitching fits. And as the train careens off the track at 90 miles an hour, there is not a whole lot the people that buy the tickets or watch the games can do about it other than tick off the days until the Bears start training camp.Ironically, both teams have similar issues. The bullpens have been ineffective. The hitters have under performed. Fortunately for the Sox, at least they can play defense and run the bases (in the rare chance they get on.) Both
managers, Ozzie Guillen of the Sox and Lou Piniella of the Cubs have lost their patience. At least one of the General Managers, Kenny Williams has reached his bullshit level. Meanwhile, the Cubs wander in a forest call the NL Central, which, if they can quickly right the ship, they may actually have a chance at. The Sox meantime continue to lose ground to two of baseballs best teams in the best division in baseball. A division where when players under perform, they go away, no matter how many injuries a team has.How do you fix it? I know Phil Rogers wouldn't agree with me, but for the Sox, Mike MacDougal, thanks for playing. David Aardsma, buh-bye now. Matt Thornton and Nick Masset, you are on double secret probation. Jermaine Dye, take your totally dispassionate act somewhere else. Paul Konerko? Paulie we love you, but we're only allowed one one dimensional player and on this team, his name is Thome. Thanks for the effort though. Mark Buerhle, sign here please. You too, Tad Iguchi. Jerry Owens,
you are in center, Ryan Sweeny, you are in left. Bobby Abreu, welcome to US Cellular Field, you'll be in right. Darrin Erstad, as soon as the ankle gets better, take first base. Joe Crede, you can finish the season in Texas or on the DL, your choice. Josh Fields, grab third. For the Cubs, Matt Murton, thanks for playing. Cliff Floyd, you play right. Felix Pie, head out to center. Caesar Izurtus, so long. Jane Eyre, nice knowing you. Bobby Howry, you're the closer. Ryan Dumpster, head down to Iowa and go back to being a starter. Wade Miller, see ya. Carlos Zambrano, hope you like Tampa Bay. Michael Barrett, hope you enjoy Kansas City.
Jim and Kenny, you taking notes?
And Kenny, if you really wanted to make me happy, there are two words that do that: Carl Crawford.
Lightning Round
- Don't look now, but the Yankees are starting to wake up. Guess who they play next?
- Memo to White Sox hitting coach Greg Walker: Watch the tape of this game and do exactly what the A's did. I mean exactly.
Billy Donovan has damned himself from ever coaching in the NBA. And, in the long term, there's nothing wrong with that. Nicely played, Billy.- In the chase for Lord Stanley's cup, the Chris Prongerless Anaheim Ducks meet Ottawa tonight in prime time on NBC. Chris Pronger has million dollar skills and a ten cent brain. And the league needs to quit this crap of suspending players who did not get called for penalties. It makes your officials look weak and awful when you undermine them like that.
- NASCAR lunch today.
- Brodie Croyle is getting a little too cocky for a third string draft choice. He's lucky he makes the team at all. And besides that, take a look at the kid's medical chart. It's published in volumes. Do yourself a favor and stand down, son. You aren't playing for Mike Shula anymore. And even the Raiders have a lot more team speed and better talent than Auburn and LSU.
- Gary Sheffield says more stupid things than Tim Hardaway, Isiah Washington and George W. Bush combined.
Amy, you shot his ex-wife. Joey, you played around with jail bait. And Joey, your last name sounds funny. What kind of name is Buttafuoco anyway? It sounds like what two guys do in a shower in prison. You're both idiots.- Fred Thompson's entry into the Republican Presidential Campaign may just blow any chance that Rudy Giuliani had of getting the nomination. Personally, if you look past the TV background, Fred is the closest thing the Republicans have to a uniter. McCain is a panderer; Rudy is too soft to the Christain crowd; Mitt Romney flip-flops like Mary Lou Retton in the floor excercise and the others (Tom Tancredo, Sam Brownback Mountain, Ron Paul, Duncan Hunter, Mike (I Heart) Huckabee, Tommy Thompson and Jim Gilmore) are basically fodder for Jay, Conan and Jon. Take Fred seriously folks, because it could be Arthur Branch vs. the Clinton gang in 2008. Call it Law and Order: Anti-
BitchLiberals Unit. - Another reason why socialized medicine doesn't work. One size does not fit all.
- In our department of ironic events, a woman who was driving drunk ran into a beer truck. That's what I call coming full circle.
- Researchers have determined that heavy snoring causes...um causes...causes. Wait a minute, let me think. What does it cause? It causes something.
- In honor of the 2007 Chicago Cubs, here are some of the worst contracts in sports history.
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