In a stunning bit of baseball history, Chip Shots has learned that the Chicago White Sox have been returned to Earth by the Aliens that abducted them.  While a bit dazed for the experience, the real White Sox went out and swept the Detroit Tigers yesterday by scores of 5-3 and 8-7.

"That's what I'm talking about" said a jubilant Sox GM Kenny Williams. "I thought it was me doing a lousy job putting a team together, but when I saw that bright flash of light in the sky yesterday morning and that ship set down and let the players off, I knew that things are about to get a whole lot better."

In all, the aliens abducted most not all of the team.  Left behind were catchers A.J. Pierzynski and Toby Hall.  There was some bad news however for the Sox: During the abduction Darrin Erstad sustained an injury and will be out for awhile.

Though their memories were wiped clean by the aliens, the real White Sox were shocked and appalled to be 14 games out and holding off Kansas City for last place. "I don't remember much" said Sox captain Paul Konerko, "But I know we can't be as bad as this alien team was.  We've got sixty games or so left to show our fans what we could have done if they hadn't abducted us."

The Sox will continue their drive toward third place tonight against the Tigers.  With any luck, the real Jose Contreras will be able to out pitch long time White Sox nemesis Kenny Rogers.

Lightning Round

• If you are one of those silly people that thinks Ozzie should get fired or quit, then don't read this as it will only make you sad.  And if you are actually one of those silly people that believes that Ozzie should be fired or resign, please get a grip.  You have severely strayed off the reality farm.
• Memo to the Detroit TV announcers: Ozzie Guillen's debut with the White Sox was in 1985, not 1983.  Ozzie wasn't traded to the White Sox until December of 1984. 
  
• The Cubs outlast the Cardinals.  How can you only get two runs off of Kip Wells when the rest of the league treats him like a batting practice pitcher?  Meanwhile, the Brewers hang on to knock off the Reds to maintain their three game lead.  August will tell the tale on this race.  The key will be if the cardinals can get it together and get into contention.  You can dismiss the Reds, Pirates and Astros.
• Things are looking up for the NFC champion Bears.  Charles Tillman signs a six year extension and rumor has it the Bears are getting closer to a deal with linebacker Lance Briggs.  That would be huge if the Bears want to go back to the Super Bowl. 
  
• NBC has dumped their hockey pre-game show with Bill Clement, Ray "Chicken Parm" Ferraro and whomever would have taken over from Brett Hull.  According to Sports Media Watch, NBC will spend less on hockey next year as it prepares to bail after the 2008 season.  No word on how the changes at 30 Rock will effect the coverage on Versus, which NBC owns.
• Craig Biggio decides to call it a career at the end of this season because "I didn't want to be one of those guys that stayed too long."  Too late, Craig.
  
• Add the Brewers to the list of teams that have had a minor leaguer suspended for using performance enhancing drugs.
• Michael Barrett is proving no matter where he is, he's an assclown.  Ever consider anger management, Mikey?
• Falcons owner Arthur Blank knows the best way to win back fans is take a strong stance and then make the league the bad guy on Michael Vick.  Subtle but brilliant. Meanwhile, Roger Goodell's worst nightmare is that Vick is the tip of the NFL dogfighting iceberg.
  
• Longtime ABC sportscaster Bill Fleming is dead.  With the death of Chris Schenkel in 2005, only Jim McKay and Keith Jackson are left from the golden age of ABC sports.
• DEI has merged with Ginn racing which means Kurt Bush probably won't drive for DEI next season. Ginn will shut down the 13 and 14 cars which means no more ride for Sterling Marlin and possibly Regan Smith.
  
• 1.5 Million people were so bored Saturday night they would have watched a test pattern on TV.  Or at least something equally as exciting.
  
• Oprah is the highest paid person on TV, but who would be number two? 
  
• Here is why we will never have meaningful immigration reform in this country: The Hispanics have become too powerful a voting block.  And even though the voters are citizens, if you try to deport Uncle Jose or Aunt Maria, you've just killed your chance to win the election.
• A woman, who lived her life in the Yukon, may get bounced from her Canadian nursing home because her language is a bit salty. 
  
• Speaking of salty, your movie popcorn is about to go up in price thanks to corn gas.  So is your double latte at Starbucks.  Thanks again, Al Gore. 
  
• Scooby Doo or real news story?  You make the call.