The time has come, I don't care how,
Jose Contreras, will you please go now?

You can go by plane, you can go by car,
You can float back to Cuba in a big pickle jar!

You can go by bus, you can go by train
You can go on an Ostrich in the rain.

You can go on a wagon, you can go on a bike
You can go by dog sled if you like.

You can go by buffalo, you can go by cow
Just please leave Chicago, I don't care how.

You can go to the Yankees, the Rangers or Mets
Or even the Red Sox and that's as good as it gets.

You can go to the Cubs, the Brewers or Braves
You can become a reliever and lead them in saves

You can head down to Florida, It's closer to home
You can go to the Twinkies and play in a dome.

How about the Orioles and their fancy yard?
Or in DC where they are always on guard.

Move on to the Royals, the Rockies or Reds
Or Tampa Bay and play like the dawn of the dead.

How about Toronto and the great white north?
Or on to St. Louis where the genus holds fourth.

Then there's the Pirates in the city of steel
I really don't care, as long as there's a deal.

The Astros, the Tigers, the Indians, the Pods
Maybe the Angels will blow you wad.

The Mariners are comers, they're playing quite well
And if they ship you to Zona, I'll never tell.

How about the A's, the Giants or Phils?
Or play for the Dodgers if you want some big thrills.

You ERA is depressing, your pitches don't dip
All of the Sox opponents just want to rip.

I know that in 05, you were the show
But now that you're 50, it's time to GO, GO, GO, GO!

The time has come; I don't care how;
Jose Contreras, will you please go now?


*with apologies to Dr. Suess and any of his living relatives