Here's what I don't understand about the Lance Briggs car crash: Professional athletes, especially at the pay scale and notoriety of the Bear linebacker, have an army of people.  Lawyers, accountants, agents, etc. who are on retainer and available 24/7/365 to deal with the athlete's needs.  So, my first question is when Lance Briggs rammed his car into a pole on the Edens expressway, who, if anyone, did he call first and what, if anything, did they instruct him to do?

The issue here is not that Briggs cracked his car up.  This could happen to anyone, especially a young man driving a fast car on a fairly deserted stretch of superhighway. The issue is that Briggs just left his car there , arousing suspicion and conjecture.  Was he drunk?  Was he racing or driving miles over the posted limit of 55?  Was he embarrassed he was out at night?  Did the car get away from him? Did he panic because he didn't want to be disciplined by his coaches or the league?  Did he not want to tarnish his reputation with fans (which had already taken a beating because of his protracted contract negotiations)? All of these questions are out there and need to be answered before Briggs can move on.

And you wonder, at after hitting that pole, who did Lance Briggs call?  His coach, Lovie Smith?  His agent, Drew Rosenhaus?  His attorney?  His PR guy?  His position coach?  His Mama?  Or did he just run?  And, how did he so swiftly leave the scene to avoid detection?  And how long does it take the Chicago Police department to notice that one of their expressways has an abandoned Lamborghini on it?

My dad used to tell me that it wasn't a doing something bad that was an issue. It was the thought process you used in doing it.  If you cracked your car up, would you do the right thing and call the cops or an attorney or would you just run?  What kind of thought process went through Lance Briggs mind?  And again, the speculation that he exited because he didn't want to take a Breathalyzer test is very real.  And the logical assumption would be neither Smith, nor Rosenhaus nor any attorney that wants to keep his law license would advise Briggs to flee the scene, knowing that police could easily track the plate numbers or the VIN number or whatever. 

Lance Briggs loathes the media and refuses, even when times are good to speak with them.  Now, his silence is doing the talking and everyone from skilled columnists, to talk radio hosts to hack bloggers like me know that somewhere, there is a smoking gun.  This was not a random mechanical issue or a blown tire or something you call AA for.  There was some external reason, driving too fast, driving while impaired, that caused this.  And by leaving the scene of the accident, Lance Briggs put the seed of doubt in everyone's mind, and if cooperative with the authorities, we may never really know what exactly transpired.  Not that it's any of our business anyway.

Dumb criminals are dumb because they either make poor decisions or they are arrogant enough to believe they can't get caught.  And Lance Briggs is proving to be a dumb criminal.

Lightning Round:

• Hey, the White Sox are beat the worst team in the American League!  Tonight they play Texas, which is like standing on the corner and watching a car crash.  Although Texas put up 30 runs on the Orioles last week.
• 
  My personal worst White Sox nightmare: The return of the Genius.
• The Old Roman's namesake goes to the big ballpark in the sky.  I assume this is the original one grandpa named after himself.
  
• Tonight begins the battle for who gets to try and hold off the Cardinals. I hope the Brewers do okay so Ned Yost keeps his sanity.
  
• The Bears have made their first round of cuts.  The biggest name sent packing was special teamer Leon Joe.
• 
  Mike Vick apologizes to everyone everywhere.  How much do people believe his contrition?  It's one thing to say you are sorry, but it is clearly another to do so because your handlers think it may reduce your jail time or get you back on the field faster.
• The only good thing to come out of the Mike Vick situation is possible redemption for Joey Harrington.  It's his final shot to prove he can do the job as a starter in the NFL.  Honestly, he didn't look too bad last night.
  
• One manager from the 2005 world series won't get kicked around anymoreafter his team took a huge dump dive this year. Fortunately for Ozzie Guillen, he doesn't work for Drayton McClain.
• Here's your SI power rankings for this week.
  
• Chase Utley comes back which means Tad Iguchi sits.
  
• Lots of college football news:  USC will be without two key players when it opens the season.  Since they are playing Idaho, it is assumed they could win playing members of the band.  Coach Satan suspends two Alabama back ups for violating team rules, but does not take action against his star cornerback who was arrested last week.  And a former USC running back follows the money his heart to Florida.
• At South Carolina, Quarterback Blake Mitchell is still suspended for Saturday's game because the Cocks can't break Hyman.
• Winning Lord Stanley's Cup is the coolest thing in sports, especially if you win it with your brother.
• Dale Jr. may have a whole new number next year: 38.  That's 3 for daddy and 8 for Junior.  And Robert Yates will be far more cooperative with Hendrick motor sports than DEI was. 
  
• You know you are in trouble during your murder trial when your lead attorney quits before the end of the trial.  Phil Spector, your wall of sound is about to have bars on it.
• In New Jersey, sleeping it off in your car is still a DUI.
• Inmates in a prison put out a hit on a drug sniffing dog.  I thought Mike Vick wasn't in jail yet.
• How much is a thumb worth?  To Roger Ebert, more than Disney wants to pay.
• If you can fry it, you can buy it at the Texas State Fair.
• F ormer President Bill Clinton will be guesting on OprahSeptember 4th.  I wonder how Hillary feels having Bill hanging out with a woman much more powerful than she is?
• Today's list: The Greatest Video Game Heroes of All-time