Boy this Christmas stuff is really making crazy.  I keep hearing the Bald Guy is going to dawn his gay apparel, but I find that hard to believe because he has way too much testosterone to do that.  The loud teenager keeps asking Mama for gifts. If it were up to me, I'd give that big pain in the ass kid an entire coal mine and be done with it.

I heard some guy named Claus is going to invade our house through the fireplace.  Don't worry, if he tries, I'm going to bark my brains out and the fat dog will sit on him.  We don't take security lightly at our house.  You never know when it could be terrorists, or worse, teenage boys.

Speaking of the fat dog, does he ever bathe?  And they call me a poo dog.  There are sewers that smell better than him right now.

Well, it was a 3-2 week last week with it coming down to the last game.  On the year, I'm 84-56.  We'll tally up the bowl games after the bowl season is over, but if you just have to know, I'm 0-1 because Utah beat Navy last night. You were too busy buying your wife jewelery or a Lexus to notice.

You know the drill by now, 5 games, no spread.  Let's see who's going to be naughty and who's going to be nice:

• Dallas vs. Carolina: The Cowboys are staggering after getting beat last week by the Eagles.  Tony Romo has a bad thumb and may have given up watching film for making film with Jessica Simpson.  Roy Williams, who got suspended for his 7,234 horse collar tackle will not play.  The Cowboys need to win to keep up with Green Bay for the home field in the playoffs.  The only thing Carolina is thinking going into this game is "what do I want for Christmas dinner, ham or turkey?" Take Dallas.
• Green Bay vs. Chicago: The only people rivalry games matter to are fans.  Players don't care.  Green bay is playing for home field for the playoffs and a game against the offensively challenged Bears is just what the doctor ordered.  Take Green Bay.
• Philadelphia vs. New Orleans: Yes, the Eagles are coming off a big win at Dallas.  But since Drew Breese isn't doing any big time recording stars, the Saints will be more focused.  Take New Orleans.
• Kansas City vs. Detroit: This game is being played between two teams that are disappointments, especially the Lions who started the season out red hot.  Neither one is going to the playoffs and Chiefs coach herm Edwards needs a win to maybe save his job.  Unfortunately, he won't get it here.  Take Detroit.
• Washington vs. Minnesota: This is a game with huge playoff implications.  Both of these teams need a win to stay in the wild card race.  The Vikings have Purple Jesus and a good run stopping defense that will give Clinton Portis bad dreams for weeks to come.  Take Minnesota.