Here in Wisconsin, the Cheeseheads were abuzz with rumors their savior was about to return.  No, not that one. The one that plays football.

This created a multitude of problems for Packers VP/GM Ted Thompson.  The team was moving forward without Favre and the rumors just screwed up everything he and Coach Mike McCarthy had set in motion the last two seasons.

I can only imagine the phone call went something like this:

Brett: Hello. Favre residence.  First Ballot Hall of Famer Brett Favre speaking. How y'all?

Ted: Brett?  Ted Thompson here.

Brett: Hey Ted.  How's it going?  Still snowing up there?

Ted: No, it stopped in May.  it might snow next week, but we're not sure.  Listen Brett, we can talk about the weather some other time but right now I want to. . .

Brett: Boy, you Northerners are always in a hurry. . .

Ted: Brett, I'm from Texas.

Brett: Same thing.

Ted: Whatever.  Brett I wanted to address these rumors I've been hearing. . .

Brett: Yeah, A-Rod and Madonna.  Wow.  I got a hog I'd rather go at it with than Madonna.  Talk about rode hard and put up wet. Whooowee. . .

Ted: No, Brett.  Not that rumor.  The rumor that you want to un-retire.

Brett: Oh, yeah.  Well, I was just talkin'. It ain't like I got a whole lot going on down here.  I mean, a fella can only drive his John Deere around the lawn so many times. 

Ted: Well, Brett, as you might imagine, this creates a lot of problems for us.  Aaron Rodgers is ready to take over the team.  These rumors really hurt his confidence.

Brett: Yeah, he pretty much sucks.  At least that's what Peter King keeps telling me.  Peter says Aaron will never be me.  Actually, Peter says no one will ever be me.  Ever. Never again.  And then he like, you know, starts a blubberin'. . .

Ted: Well, Brett, here's the problem.  If you come back, I have to play you.  If I didn't, these farmers would pelt me with gouda and cheese curds.  I can't trade you because you are the only thing that gives these yahoos hope and self-esteem.  So, you see Brett, every time you open your mouth, it causes me a headache because you and I are stuck together.

Brett: How do I quit you?

Ted: You've been catching up on movies this summer, haven't you?

Brett: Yup.

Ted: Well you see Brett, you missed OTAs and spring drills and while you were gone, we installed a whole new offense suited to Aaron's talent.

Brett: You mean a strong running game?  Because the only thing that flatlander can do is hand off. . .

Ted: Now Brett. . .

Brett: Look, Ted.  Truth be told, you'd be crazier than a rodeo goat if you didn't let me come back.  I still have game, Madden and King still worship me and the fans, well let's just say that's what they want me back too.  So, if you won't let me come back or trade me, you'd out on your butt.  So really, Ted where's the downside if I come back and play another year. . .or two...or three...or four.. or. . .

Ted: The downside is Brett, we've made plans.  We've changed everything.  We've convinced everyone we can win without you.  And, thanks to me bribing those cops in Texas to trump up the charges against Cedric Benson, we can win without you.  So why don't you just enjoy yourself, sip a mint julep or whatever you people down there drink and enjoy a nice, quiet, fall.

Brett: You know Ted, this itch I got.  It's becoming really hard to scratch.  And if I want it scratched, there's a whole bunch of people who will jump at the chance to scratch it.  Even if it is in a place that they don't talk about at cocktails parties. If they send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue, that's the Green Bay way. 

Ted: Quit with the movie clichés, already.  Brett, how do we resolve this issue so you'll go away quietly and leave us alone to move forward?

Brett: Take me back. 

Ted: Brett, I think I made it clear to you we can't do that.

Brett: Then, I'll call Mr. Harlan.

Ted: Bob Harlan is no longer running the team, Brett.

Brett: Than I'll call Peter King.

Ted: I can handle him.  I'll just tell him he'll never get another brat while he's covering the game.  Besides, they're closing all the Starbucks up here so he won't come back to town anymore anyway.

Brett: Then I'll hold my breathe until I turn blue.

Ted: Come on Brett.  Tell you what.  If you want to wear the uniform and hang out you can.  We'll let you wear the headset and carry the clipboard and tell people you are "mentoring" Aaron.  That way, you can still be on the team and Mike and I can move forward with the new offense.  Is that a deal, Brett?

Brett: Ted, I'm a first ballot hall of famer.  I'm not holding a clipboard for someone that couldn't carry my jock in a wet, burlap sack.

Ted: That's the deal, Brett, take it or leave it.

Brett: Maybe I should just tell Mortensen that I ain't going nowhere and I'm staying retired.

Ted: Maybe that's a good idea.

Brett: You know, Ted, we have a saying here in Mississippi. . .

Ted: Don't sleep with your cousin until she turns 13?

Brett: No, the other one.  If you retire and then you immediately want to come back even though you said you are retired, you might be a redneck.

Ted: Meaning?

Brett: I don't know, but it's catchy ain't it?

Ted: Look Brett, I've got things to do.  We'll see you on your day in September.

Brett: Can I wear my uniform and play a few downs?

Ted: Gotta go Brett.  McCarthy is at the training table unattended and I have to go survey the damage. . .

Brett: Hey, I could come back and carry his plates for him.  . .

Ted: Bye, Brett.

Brett: Maybe be his fork washer. . .

Ted: (click)

Brett: Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up. . .