In what may be the most ludicrous suspension in the history of organized sports, Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery has been suspended for six games and placed in anger management for using the term "sloppy seconds" during an interview.

According to the official NHL web site, in addition to six games without pay "Avery also agreed to seek professional anger-management evaluation and, if necessary, structured counseling in light of his pattern of behavior, which the NHL has deemed unacceptable and antisocial."

Welcome to the world of Gary Bettman, big brother.

Bettman has spun an arguably crude phrase and debatable bad judgment into a pattern of behavior, anger management and counseling.

Where in the hell is the NHL players union?  Is there even a union?  If Avery played for the Texas Rangers and not the Dallas Stars, Don Fehr would be on the warpath armed with all kinds of injunctions.  If it were the NFL, Drew Rosenhaus would be holding press conferences and appearing on Versus. 

I'm sorry, this makes no sense.  "Sloppy seconds" is not a derogatory phrase. It absolutely is not. And for Gary Bettman and the NHL to use it to railroad someone into a suspension and create a "pattern of behavior" is so byzantine even Roger Goodell wouldn't do it.

Look, I know Avery is a jerk, but this is preposterous.  It's way over the top.  And this isn't related to a game situation, but to free and lawful speech.  What's next Gary?  A swear jar?  Soap?  Spankings? Early bed time with no cookie?

Maybe Avery deserved one game for being stupid, but a six pack and shrinks, come on.  This is like getting twenty-five years for a parking violation.  Or a pattern of parking violations.

Paging the NHL players union.  It's about time you boys started doing your job.  And quick.