In an effort to enhance their upcoming World Cup coverage, the four letter network has hired Martin Tyler, perhaps the best English speaking soccer announcer in the world to do the play by play.

They could hire the ghost of Harry Caray and the ghost of Jack Buck with the ghost of Harry Callas on one sideline and the ghost of Bob Prince on the other sideline and I still wouldn't waste a minute of my time watching it.

Instead of watching a soccer game, I would rather watch:

• Oprah interview members of NOW
• Dr. Phil trying to get to the root of Balloon Boy's issues
• A "Grey's Anatomy" Marathon
• "Desperate Housewives" with special guest Merill Streep
• "Ghost"
• Andrew Dice Clay reading selected works of Shakespeare
• Ben Stein reading the entire New York City phonebook
• Al Gore's Global Warming Spectacular
• Anything Nancy Pelosi has to say
• A tablescape battle between Martha Stewart and Sandra Lee.
• Inside the Actor's Studio with special guest Ashton Kutcher
• "Iron Chef" featuring Sunny Anderson against Robin Miller