Nothing perks up a slow news day like the poison pen of Jay Mariotti.  Exiled to the Internet, Mariotti can still spew venom with the best of them and can still hold a violent grudge that would make Mayor Daley proud.

In his latest eruption on AOL Fanhouse where is now employed, Mariotti once again calls on the White Sox to fire manager Ozzie Guillen, a long time Mariotti target.  Some of the highlights:

• The Blizzard of Oz, as I've come to call Ozzie Guillen, should have been put out of his misery years ago, dumped like an out-of-control radio caller unfit for human consumption. He is not a breath of fresh air as much as an affront to the American intellect -- a disgrace to baseball, the city of Chicago and a loose-cannon organization called the White Sox.  
• Guillen arrived at spring training eager to expand his goofballish persona via social media networks such as Twitter, which allows him to express his absurd ramblings 24/7, heaven help us.
• When the Blizzard's newest hobby made national news, he started thinking bigger, like some media megalomaniac. He devised a plan to launch his own personal Web page with the help of his family. This is where his superiors -- FYI: Williams is the puppet, Reinsdorf is the control freak in the shadows -- decided to draw the line, recognizing a red-flag distraction when they see one.
• Guillen was becoming so full of himself, urged on by primitive Sox fans who like getting attention of any sort in Cubs-dominated Chicago, that he was putting his own ego and self-promotional blitz ahead of the ballclub he manages.
• I've always said the Blizzard sometimes sounds like a mob boss. Now, Oney was sounding like the son of a mob boss.
• What should come next is his pink slip. Who in his right mind addresses his bosses with thoughts of "killing'' them, whether he actually means it literally or not? And just how many of these episodes should this franchise deal with -- honestly, I've lost count -- before Reinsdorf and Williams decide to cut their losses, regain their dignity, realize Guillen has made the postseason only twice in his six seasons and replace him with a more grounded and mature manager who will purge the circus and run a professional operation?
• Gradually, tension has built up between Guillen and Williams, another hot head who, last summer, engaged me in a heated argument at a Chicago rooftop establishment and once warned the greatest of Sox sluggers, Frank Thomas, to "Stay out of White Sox business!'' This is, without much argument, the most volatile relationship between a manager and general manager in professional sports.

Where do you even begin to dissect this mountain of crap?  This whole column makes Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh seem like the voices of reason.  It's nothing but a man with an ax to grind...a bitter, angry man who probably wears shorts and black socks and shoos neighborhood kids off his lawn while waving a garden implement.

Yes, we all know Ozzie has his quirks.  Yes, we know Ozzie uses colorful language.  But using Mariotti's logic (which some consider to be an oxymoron) Joe Biden should immediately turn in his key card at the White House for his language Tuesday.

And then, as you would expect, he plays the Cub card.  Mariotti asserts that Ozzie was urged on by "primitive Sox fans who like getting attention of any sort in Cubs-dominated Chicago."  Let me say something to you, Jay.  Winning cures everything.  And during Ozzie's run as manager of the White Sox, the White Sox have been far more successful than the Cubs.  And, honestly, that's all we "primitive" Sox fans give a rats ass about.  You'll pardon my language, Jay, being the paragon of virtue that you are.

It's not about the Cubs, Jay, it's about W's and L's.  But in your angry haze, you don't get that and never will.  And you'll never understand how a man so far below your standards could possibly continue to be successful as a major league manager.  This isn't the guy who once summoned a relief pitcher when one wasn't warming up.  Nor is it the one who would sit like a deer in the headlights while central division opponents routinely pounded his team. 

Ozzie reignited this organization with his passion, won a championship and has the opportunity to make the playoffs several more times while he is in the Sox dugout.  Everywhere you read, you see most writers who are objective, call Ozzie one of the top five managers in baseball.  The stats show that too, Jay. 

But all that would take backseat for an angry man with a grudge.  Get help Jay before you further destroy your career and yourself.