What up, human?  I can't tell you how happy I am to be back!  It's been a long spring and summer keeping the fat dog from sitting on me and I've got to tell you, this is a hell of a lot more fun.  I'd rather try to type without opposable thumbs than be chased around the living room by the canine equivalent of Mark Mangino. 

In addition to keeping away from the fat dog, the bald guy has been all cranked up with this baseball pennant race.  I guess the White Sox are so desperate they will let anyone play for them.  Yesterday, we were watching the game, and Cousin It from the Addams Family came to the plate. It was either him or the ghost of Bob Marley. 

And I don't understand why the bald guy hates Twinkies so much.  He must blame his appearance on eating too many because I keep hearing him say "those f'ing Twinkies." 

All I know is, I'm staying away from the bald guy until this is all over, lest he go Brad Maynard on me.

There were lots of changes in football over the summer.  That slick guy who was at Tennessee went to USC only to be caught in the middle of a cheating scandal which started under the other coach who went to Seattle.  Sounds like an episode of General Hospital to me.  Meanwhile a couple of coaches got fired for being too old school.  I don't understand that at all?  What is a coach supposed to do when a quarterback throws his fifth pick of the game, give him a hug and say "don't worry, things will be alright?"  Coaches are supposed to chew out players.  If a coach hurts a player's feelings, it's because he doesn't have what it takes to make it.  Either that, or he's kin to Mitch Mustain.

Alright, down to business.  For those of you new to the concept, each week I pick five college and five pro games straight up.  Since the pros don't get going until next week, we'll do five college games this week.  We usually do our games on Friday, but since the bald guy is so excited that college football is kicking off tonight, he wanted me to do the first on a on Thursday.  And in case you don't think a dog can pick football games, last year I went 131-65 which is pretty good considering I spend most of my time cleaning my own private parts.

Here's what I like this week:

• Pittsburgh vs. Utah: Boy, the bald guy really hates that Pittsburgh coach, probably because he looks like Snidley Whiplash and stutters.  But even he can't deny that the Panthers are a pretty good outfit this year.  They should make short work of their hosts.  Take Pittsburgh.

• Northwestern vs. Vanderbilt: They should call this the "egghead bowl".  Vandy has regressed the last couple of years and the Wildcats will pounce on them like a nerd pounces on an algebra book.  Take Northestern BIG

• LSU vs. UNC: This is the game of the day Saturday.  Les Miles is under the gun even though he's won a lot of games and a national championship at LSU.  Butch Davis is feeling some heat too with the NCAA sniffing around campus.  In the end, a good SEC team should beat a decent  ACC team.  Take LSU.

• San Jose State vs. Alabama:  Some people think the Tide is in trouble because Mark Ingram is out.  Are you kidding me?  Alabama is so good their backups have backups.  Mr. Hightower will run all over SJSU and Greg McElroy will be carrying a clipboard by the end of the third quarter.  Take Alabama BIG.

• Wisconsin at UNLV: The Badgers have some pretty lofty expectations this year.  Last year, they had a lot of close calls, but this year, with some experieince, a mature quarterback and a formidable running game, it could be a nice year for them.  Take Wisconsin.