Yeah, I know I said I wouldn't be back until Friday, but with the NFL opening tonight and some great college football games, I was so excited, I was about ready to whiz on the carpet.  We all know how the bald guy gets when I do that, so he let me go a day early again.  Next week, we will move it back a day to Friday.

Last week, i opened the season at 4-1 instead of 5-0 because I wasn't smart enough to realize that guy from Pittsburgh with the porn stash couldn't coach a team of nuns to pray.  Idiot.

This week, there is a whole bunch of great games, especially on Saturday.  I understand I'll be missing some of the better ones because Mama scheduled a trip to the vet for me.  I'll bet the bald guy is thrilled about that.  Not only does he get to miss some of these great games, but he'll be shelling out $300 for the privilege. I don't suppose Obamacare extends to pets, does it?

Five college, five pro, straight up.  Gentlemen, start your footballs:

College:

• Auburn vs. Mississippi State: It's too bad this game is on tonight against the NFL because it will be a good one.  In the end, I think Auburn has too much depth for an improving Bulldog squad. Take Auburn
• San Jose State vs Wisconsin:  The Badgers struggled in the first half against UNLV, but that won't be the case this week.  Between the home crowd and having one game under their belts, San Jose State will look like the Washington Generals to the Harlem Globetrotters.  Take Wisconsin. BIG.
• Michigan vs. Notre Dame:  This may be the game of the day in college football, at least based on reputation.  This would be a huge win for both programs, but in a squeaker, I'll take my chances with BK.  Take Notre Dame.
• Georgia vs. South Carolina: I watched South Carolina play last week and although they are improved, I think Georgia has more weapons on both offense and defense to hold them off in a game that might not be as tight as some people think.  Take Georgia.
• Penn State vs. Alabama:  Wow.  Talk about sexy names.  Penn State.  Bama. Jopa. Coach Satan.  What a great way to spend a Saturday night.  However, don't let it fool you.  While Penn State is a decent Big Ten team, they are playing a buzz saw.  Bama's speed will be overwhelming and their weapons on offense will do PSU in.  The only question about Bama is how good will there offensive line be.  This is a good test.  Take Bama.

Pro:

• Minnesota vs. New Orleans: Look, Brett Favre was a great quarterback, but he's 40 years old and play ing on a bad ankle.  There is a new sheriff in town and his name is Drew Breese.  Take New Orleans.
• Chicago vs. Detroit:  They can't block anyone, their receivers can't catch a cold and their secondary has more holes in it than the bald guy's socks.  About the only thing they do moderately well is rush the quarterback.  And no, I'm not talking about the Lions. Bears fans shouldn't look at Sunday as the beginning of the season.  They should look at it as the beginning of the Lovie Smith farewell tour. Take Detroit
• Green Bay vs. Philly: Andy Reid is going to rue the day he let Donovan McNabb leave the jurisdiction.  The Packers are loaded on offense and their defense plays well enough to keep them in the game.  Take Green Bay.
• San Francisco vs. Seattle:  Pete Carrol can run, but he can't hide how lousy his team is.  Unlike USC, this bunch of paid players isn't so hot. The Niners are a rising team under Mike Singletary and Samurai will have them ready on Sunday.  Take San Francisco.
• Dallas vs. Washington:  What will be interesting about this game is not about what happens on the field, but will happen off it when the midget comes in and roasts Mike Shanahan after the game.  Take Dallas BIG.